Your Chance To Plan Tony's Departure - *Updated Schedule*

We're thinking of a farewell tour. There's all the obvious places but what are the less obvious ones? the Mittal steelworks (demonstrates support to business, commitment to international trade) or, say opening the Ron Davies Memorial Bench on Hampstead Heath...

Where should he be seen? Richard and Judy is so passe these days...

TB departs on "fact finding" mission to Middle East using this as an excuse to avoid the Labour Party conference.
Also just a coincidence that a certain Yates of the Yard was about to serve a warrant on him!
Kidnapped in one of the Middle States by a certain muslim fundementalist group that no-one has heard of before. (Carefully arranged by friends in Washington).
Freed by American/Israeli special forces, and taken to US of A for health check up.
Resigns on the grounds of his ordeal.
Hailed by all as a hero.
We find out how effective the American version of our extradition treaty is.
TB heads off to a nice tax haven in the Caribbean.

Packs his toothbrush and quietly accompanies Yates of the Yard (leaving by the backdoor).
Blogs note that many major criminals (and not a few statesmen) have been brought low not by their crimes but by the cover-up and the money.
Newspapers restict themselves to quoting Enoch Powell on all political careers ending in failure: meaning, without any intentional irony, the damage to his personal reputation and pride rather than the collateral damage (whether in the Middle East or on the streets of London).
New Labour dies in spirit, if not in lip service, a year later when Labour fails to secure an overall majority at a general election. Brown resigns and Labour plunges headlong into another opportunity for "renewal"...

Jeff

I'll admit that I'm having visions of Tony legging it over the back wall, closely followed by Yates of the Yard and assorted coppers in a keystone cops/benny hill mix, but we need to make this into a strategy.

How about To demonstrate his belief in British justice Blair resigns amid rumour of his imminent arrest at a photo-op organsed by Prisoners Abroad?

According to the Today programme this morning, Tony wants to go out "on a wave of euphoria".

But isn't that *guaranteed* as soon as he goes?

I would love to see, live on the BBC, Tony and Cherie pay a visit to Baghdad, and I don't mean on a "surprise" visit, but a fully publicised one. I am sure they would be perfectly safe there, now that they have bestowed democracy on the grateful Iraqi people.

I think he should read out the names of all the dead he is reponsible for at the cenotaph, after he has finished (should only take say 500,000 dead @10 seconds a name 5 million seconds/60/60 = 1388 hours, split into 8 hour days = 174 days, course he could avail himself of the working time directive opt out and speed things up) and then get banged up under one of his many anti sedition laws.

On release he should be stripped of police protection as he only needs it due to his own criminality and this violates the principles of individual responsibilities he holds so dear.

Then he should be stripped of his well upholstered pension as it has no place in the new globalised, your own your fucking own world order he constantly evangelises.

Oh and please, please get them do a bit of minefield / cluster bomb clearing live on TV.

Blair's FOAD Tour

Three nights at the Millennium Dome Casino Bowl-a-Rama (supprting act Tessa Jowell)

Reunion gig for Ugly Rumours at the Astoria

Guest appearance for Newcastle United alongside Jackie Milburn against an Ingerlund XI (Q: Is Gazza available?)

Public conversion to Catholicism at Paddy's Wigwam in Liverpool: Pope to attend.

Guest editor of The Sun (Rebekah's asked if Kathryn can pose for page 3)

Exhibition tennis match with Tim Henman (If Tiger could lose gallantly as per usual it would be a great help)

Housemate on Celebrity Big Brother (fellow guests to include Abu Hamza, Reg Keys, Rachel from North London and Arthur Scargill)

Blair won't go until he's legislated his way around the war crimes. This is all about the bankers/oil/multinationals. These criminals have the world by the balls and they'll blow it to pieces before they let go. He sold out to big business and we can pin that on him directly (regardless of who pulled the strings) by playing along with the whole democracy charade.

What will we do about all the thousands of new laws when he's gone though? How will we get freedom of speech back? We'll probably be under curfew, under surveillance and under suspicion forever. This country is screwed fundementally.

The west must look like a bunch of brainwashed hypocritical loonies to the muslims. If holocaust denial and posting NY times articles is illegal then where is our freedom of speech? If Blair and Bush rig elections then where is our democracy? If being a conspiracy theorist or questioning the validity of the war on terror is a thought crime or saying all people have a right to defend their land from invasion makes you a terrorist then they might just be right.

If Blair does not stand trial then we are a joke.

Love the Dome idea, perhaps they could re-open it for a big last night celebration.

could be quite a party... Cliff Richard could top the bill

My personal exit strategy fantasy for Tony has been planned for some time.
To quote Tarantino, i'd like to 'get medieval on his ass'.

I think a spot of extraordinary rendition to a nice, friendly Uzbek interrogation room. Then, when we have removed what remains of his dignity (and his finger nails) the grand tour can begin. One bucket of tar, one bucket of feathers, a large set of stocks and John prescott in a gimp mask, whipping his white, corpulant, speedo wearing arse through the streets of britain. He can visit whichever architectural landmarks he likes, so long as there's adequate access for the rotton tomato throwers.

Click for Farewell Tour Picture

fab - he looks like rigsby.
Good night Vienna!

Some tour suggestions/highlights: TB running the Bernie Ecclestone memorial lap at Silverstone, culminating in receiving the "I'm really a straight sort of guy" trophy plus presentation pack of 15 million cigarettes

Attending and receiving ceremonial award of the Lord Levy prize for Mathematics, in recognition of the translation of a totally empty WMD cupboard into a series of weapons capable of flattening Folkestone in 15 minutes

From the hands of George W., the Arc of Confusion congressional medal for failure to recognise the guy with the bad hairdo in North Korea was a hell of a lot scarier than the one we got rid of, and that concern for democratic rights and the conquest of terrorism is purely relative and has a direct correlation to access to oil resources/proximity to Israel (welcome, Mr Mugabe et alia)

One could go on, but its not good for the blood pressure....

I reckon it was leaked by Blair's people to show these dumb Labour backbenchers that he really will go next summer.

Given that he is going, all this letter writing and sniping at Blair seems a bit spiteful and unnecessary. It's quite frastrating to see people who don't know a thing about politics dragging the party down like this. Brown is the only one who will suffer in the long term if they keep it up.

Then they should keep it up...

Re: "...all this letter writing and sniping at Blair seems a bit spiteful..."

aaaaahhhhhhhhh bless.

NO it's NOT enough that he just goes (to a life of extreme wealth). He has shamed all of us in his war crimes, his corruption and his treason (subjugation of UK soveriegnty to a crime syndicate).

It is simply not acceptable that he should be allowed to "just go" - he (AND his accomplices) should be charged with his/their crimes and forced to answer to the nation.

Those who voted for them should be made to see the blood on their hands as accomplices to the murder of tens of thousands of women and children.

NO it's NOT enough that he just goes (to a life of extreme wealth). He has shamed all of us in his war crimes, his corruption and his treason (subjugation of UK soveriegnty to a crime syndicate).

Lets get real; that's the usual codswallop we hear about every prime minister. They'll be a hackneyed set of old blogs hating the new PM too, and the one after that, and so on. We both know it's just a bit of fun.

Blair can be very proud of his record; it seems churlish to force him out a few months before he intends to go anyway. I hope he stays on till at least next summer.

Mike who paid you for your last post?

The guardian tried to hide his thread. Peres is on comment is free
and he's being abused by everyone. Get in there and give him hell:)

Pray tell us, just what has Blair got to be proud of? Everything he has touched has turned to worms. He is probably the most disastrous PM this country has ever had, and he can just walk away from the sorry mess he has created.

My suggestion is inspired by David Aaronovitch on Any Questions over on Radio 4 last Friday. I had always assumed I would vomit if I was inspired by that toad, but it seems not in this case.

David A stated, in response to the question about when Bliar should go and what effect his (mal)lingering would have on the Labour Party, something along the lines of what a pointless question it was, how everyone and their dog knew that the leader who wears his wears his raw emotions as some kind of kind of exoskeleton would be departing by July next year. I was groaning at this wheez, right up until he stated that there was no point in rehashing this subject, unless one felt it was necessary to drive a wooden stake through the leader's heart, "just to make sure he goes".

So yes, what a good idea! Let's say farewell with a wooden stake through our illustrious leader's heart, "just to make sure"...

"...We both know it's just a bit of fun."

FUN? FUN? is it then FUN? to murder in our name? FUN to take us into a war that virtually NONE of us wanted to be associated with (let alone involved in)

"Blair can be very proud of his record"

for FUCKS sake - are YOU proud of this piece of obscene SHIT. Bliar is the epitomy of EVIL. He is a corrupt, on-the-take traitor to this country.

NO!!! we do not BOTH know it's a bit of fun. YOU seem to think mass murder is a "bit of fun" - we don't!

NO!!! we have NOT heard this about ANY previous PM! Thatcher is pilloried for her stand against institutionalised dependency and union intimdation of workers. She was NEVER a mass murderer on the scale that the incumbent fecal parasite is.

"I hope he stays on till at least next summer"
we hope he stays long enough to be arrested and charge with TREASON.

Seriously though, Blair has one of the best records as PM - way better than any previous number 10 occupant. He's saved countless lives in Africa and the third world by putting debt relief and aid at the top of the global agenda. He's saved many thousands in Sierra Leone, the Balkans and Afghanistan by stopping wars and creating democracy there, and still to this day British troops are fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. Yes, it's very sad that the Baathists and Al Qeada in Iraq choose to fight the democratic process after we disposed Saddam Hussein, but that's not Blair's fault. The kurds are doing alright, thanks to Blair. Then there's Blair's fantastic job in Northern Ireland.

Poverty is down and unemployment is relatively low at home, and Blair even got us the Olympics. Definitely a very good PM, regardless of the hackneyed fun and games that will always go on. Blair can be extremely proud and so can we. Deep down I'm sure you recognise this.

Agreed, jk5! See you on September 23rd in Albert Square? (no I'm not auditioning for East Enders!)

At least you knew where Thatcher stood on issues - she spoke her mind. The UUSR called her the Iron Lady before she even became PM.

Blair is responsible for deception on a monumental scale. Maybe he's proud of that, but it is certainly treason.

Perhaps he can deal the first hand of poker at the dome casino before selling cherie on ebay.

Mike seems suspiciously similar to Mike Clarke, a New Labour lackey that regularly trolls the comments at Lenin's Tomb and posts sycophantic drivel on Comment is Free.

Mike is either daft or a shill.

"TB got us the Olympics" -- one ex-money-broker frog heaved a sigh of relief for Frogland when WE lost !

And it would have cost us far less to do that shit than you lot . Most already in place.

de Villepin is daft, Rightwing, etc, but his finest moment was when he told TB GWB to get lost at the UN.

The Iraq Invasion belongs to TB . That is his legacy to Britain.

The current carefully-orchestrated campaign of departure might be construed as one aimed at conserving the LP in power, but it looks overwhemingly as one planned to preserve the "credibility" and "heritage" of one TB.

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE .

Dull overcast skies, the faint clicking of cameras and gentle mumble of the hushed commentator, as, head bowed, Tony Blair wipes away a tear and lays a small wreath on the grave of Dr. David Kelly.

Brave chin, sober grey suit, with Cherie in somber dark dress and bright red shoes, violins well up in the background as the nation collectively vomits into its lap at the obscene hypocrisy.

Signed "with sincere regrets" cards available for auction at Labour Party events from No. 10, all proceeds towards the retirement fund.

For his farewell tour I vote that we let Tony finish he job he has started. Let him take his friends Rupert Murdoch, George Dubya, Donny Rumpsfeld and Condoleeza (The devil sends the beast with wrath) Rice.

We should put them all in traditional 12th century crusading knights armour, give them good horses and swords and then airlift them to Fallujah. We then pull all the troops out and film the merry gang bringing Christian democracy to Iraq before advancing north and re-taking Jerusalem....

Keep it simple, a big boot kicking him and his cahoots being kicked out of number 10. Blair in a car with tears welling in his eyes. No great exit for such a person.
Never in the history of mankind have so few people brought so much misery to so many people in such a short space of time.
No pity for.

Mine clearance in lebanon sounds like good penitence. Punishment.

The saudis and EU queuing up to rebuild for 000s of millions is stupid.

Can't do one without clearing mines first.

Why not Israel, and Friends, be personally responsible ?

Polluter Pays .

ALSO, WHY bother to reconstruct if Israel can destroy any old time it wants ?

frog, I agree. If Tony had made this speech he could be leaving power with a real and substantive legacy.

Blair's true legacy will live long after he goes, sadly. The May elections will translate the illogic of NuLab's devolution policy into a society increasingly cleaved along ethic, religious and social lines. The many ill-thought through and wretchedly executed initiatives, from the polluted tent through the NHS IT fiasco, will leave the country poorer and less able to address the real challenges of the future. The levers of authoritarian control created in the past few years will further deepen the democratic deficit that afflicts public and political life. Like the Roman emperors, Tony hopes we will be bought off with 24 hour gin and gambling. The poor are not only still with us, their position has worsened in many ways. The big businesses and businessmen who have violated the trust of the public and their stakeholders continue to flourish, unimpeded and often tax-free (as well as occasionally ennobled). Educational standards have rendered our workforce vulnerable to immigrants from countries that took the importance of educational skills seriously. Our soldiers fight 21st century wars with 20th century equipment.The country's international reputation has been trashed. I was, at the beginning, one of those who voted for him because I foolishly thought he offered hope. What he delivered was fear. Fear of the future, fear for our future, fear that whoever steps in after him has not got a clue of the rot at the heart of what he created. He came to office with a sensational mandate. He leaves office thoroughly compromised.

Read this:

Fury as academics claim 9/11 was 'inside job' - The Times

Who really blew up the twin towers? - The Guardian

If this comes out then that means he killed all those people for nothing but a false flag operation. Brilliant.

Anon, I work with many academics. I could find you 75 who think the world is flat.

One that stands out - why would the CIA run a building-blowing-up operation from next door? Professional demolition people get the hell out of the area, for good reason. I think it's baloney, and still think that conspiracy theories only serve those in power.

please can we stop discussing these conspiracy theories. we've got enough real world stuff to talk about.

Another item for the tour:

Tony to address a meeting of the Women's Institute on his legacy and the role of women: "Women in Britain in the 21st Century: What are they for"

Cherie to sell home-made jam from the back of the hall.

parlicoot, that's a classic, how could we have missed it!

...at £1000 per jar, proceeds to the Blair Retirement Swiss Bank Account Charity Fund

How about the tour of maternity wards in deprived areas where the Father of His People will reverentially bestow baby ASBOs on the newborn, before a brief kiss for the cameras and then handing the nipper over to the Goon Squad (brought to you by Capita) for re-education.

How about a photo opportunity reminiscent of that celebrated one of Mrs Thatcher walking throught the urban wasteland, only this time with Tony walking through the empty shell of MG Rover's Longbridge works, a magnificent testament to his invigoration of the UK manufacturing sector!

My humble ambition - in tune with almost everyone else - is to dance on Blair's political grave. My DIY kit for this would be - a long foam mat (preferably coloured brown or black), and a sturdy piece of cardboard or plywood, cut to the shape of a headstone, incribed with a suitable epitaph (just let yer imagination run riot) and afixed to one end of the foam mat, et voila! - Blair's political grave, for the dancing upon.

This comment on the BBC:

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Tony Blair to appear on Blue Peter in his farewell tour? I can see it now....

"here's a country I ruined earlier...."

Mark Tolley, Redditch, United Kingdom