The Safety Elephant Trumpets His Return

The recent news that the elephant formerly known as 'Safety' (a.k.a. Charles Clarke) is making a comeback to mainstream politics simultaneously filled me with both amusement and dread. His most recent escapade, in partnership with the almost as ridiculous Alan Milburn is, of course, the 2020 Vision website, brilliantly exposed for what it is by Chicken Yoghurt and demolished by Ministry of Truth (swear blogging alert). The mainstream media didn't want to miss out on the fun either.

The General consensus is that this is an all too obvious 'Stop Brown' campaign, something Milburn and Clarke vigorously deny without, it seems, managing to convince anybody. They say they want debate about the future direction of the Labour Party and are warning Gordon Brown to consult with them or else.... What is obvious is that under a Brown government neither of these clowns have a hope in hell of getting any of the plum jobs. Realising this, it seems there is a covert attempt to convince David Miliband to throw his hat into the ring as a Blair successor. The trouble is, he's already said he won't run (so far) and supports Gordon, and at the age of 41 he can afford to wait a little longer.

Having been told effectively to put up or shut up by Peter Hain, Brown supporter and contender for the deputy leadership, this raises the prospect of Alan Milburn or Charles Clarke trying their luck in an attempt to stop Brown or prevent John McDonnell or Michael Meacher getting on the ballot. Alan Milburn may just do it but as a loyal Blairite he supports the same policies that make Blair so unpopular.

Charles Clarke is described as a political heavyweight but his performance in the various positions he has held suggest that the 'political' should be dropped from that label leaving us with just the 'heavyweight'. As Education Secretary, he said that "education for its own sake" was "a bit dodgy" and that he would "not be much occupied" if the study of classics were to die out altogether in Britain. He also made remarks about the study of medieval history being merely "ornamental" and not worthy of taxpayers money. As Home Secretary he surpassed the incompetence of his predecessor David Blunkett and and set things up nicely so his successor, John Reid, could continue the tradition. It was Charles Clarke who famously said that the July 7th bombings came "out of the blue", something we now know was not the case. We also know that his people skills leave a bit to be desired which has made him the object of such ridicule. Last month Clarke suggested that Labour should consider extending charging to more areas of the NHS.

The very thought of Safety running for the Party leadership (however unlikely) brought to mind this old tune from my distant childhood.