Jacqui Smith O.B.N.

A shameless attempt to win the prestidgious Order of the Brown Nose from the Home Office minister, currently in Washington DC. She's aware of the primaries and has announced her startling opinion: gordon Brown is better than Hillary and Barack combined.

Gordon Brown had successfully managed both to build on the experience that he has as being part of the Labour Government over the last 10 years and to register to the British people that there was a change of emphasis and that there were new challenges that his premiership was going to be able to address”.

She added: “He combines the best of Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

We offer a pound to the first reporter who asks either candidate if they think they're half as good as the dour Scot.